RoLlErCoAsTeR!

As a mother I experience many different feelings each day. The most prevalent feeling would be love. Followed by excitement, happiness, sadness, fear, and one of the worst feelings...GUILT! Each day my feelings hop onto the roller coaster. Each day there are highs and lows. Each day there are laughs and tears. But not everyday do I feel guilt.

This week I did!

It all started Monday morning. It is very difficult to drop off my angel each morning and have to say goodbye. Albeit Max's sitter is more then amazing, really she is. It's just hard to leave him. I felt guilty. Guilty to have to say goodbye. Guilty to have to see those small tears and cries for mommy. Which I know ends as soon as I am no longer visible. But it is hard. VERY HARD!

Work has been, well work. There are some new situations going on in the 1st grade and at our school which has caused many tense feelings. Feelings of anger. I left work Wednesday very upset because I was letting my feelings get the best of me. I was not acting like a person that God has called me to be. I felt GUILTY. I was guilty of letting past hurts effect my feelings for the present. I made a phone call where an apology was exchanged on both ends. Guilt was gone. Phew!

Saturday I was ridiculously busy. I had my long run with Albuquerque Fit. Which caused me to be away from Max. I had a baby shower in the middle of the day. Which caused me to be away from Max. I volunteer at the church teaching at the Bible Island some Saturday evenings. Which caused me to be away from Max. I was gone throughout the day and only saw him in little spurts. Guess what, I felt GUILTY.

As a mother, it is very hard to justify doing things for yourself. It is very easy to lose yourself in your children. I don't think that is a bad thing, I just think that sacrifices need to me made. Not always but when needed. Saturday night I went to bed upset and my poor darling husband comforted me and wiped away my tears. I prayed that Max would wake up in the middle of the night so I could have some extra snuggle time. God is good because at 2 a.m. my sweet boy wanted his mommy snuggles.

At 2 a.m. I had a light bulb go off in my head. Max doesn't know the guilt I feel. Max doesn't understand or perhaps care that I am gone for an hour and a half for a baby shower. What Max does know is that his mommy loves him. No one can give him the love that I can give. Only me! My love that I give to my sweet boy each day is a gift to him and more importantly to me. The fact that I am capable to give that much love to my son is a gift from God to me. And I more then happily give that gift to my boy.

So throughout my roller coaster of emotions this week I am unbuckling my seat belt and getting off the ride feeling exhilarated, rejuvenated, and happy. The ride was totally worth it this week!