A big smile and tears of joy!

Well folks!

I have a good news.

Before I share the good news, let me share a little background with you...

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would give anything to have it?

Have you ever felt that the way you were living wasn't the way God had planned for you?

I have been going through a pretty intense soul makeover courtesy of the Lord. I have been seeking Him diligently and praying for His will upon my life. I know that this may be a hard concept for you to understand, but just listen...or read :)

I have written in the past about how I feel like the Lord had a different plan for my life. I have written about how I was doing some reading that has turned my life upside down (for the better). I have written about how I was in a funk.

In times like those mentioned above I usually turn to His Word. I dove deep. I prayed, I studied, I was still and listened to His voice.

The Lord spoke to me VERY clear, to seek Him, to trust Him, to give EVERYTHING to Him. All of my fears, pains, desires, I gave Him. This was NOT easy. I cried tears of confusion, I cried tears of pain, I cried because I was just overwhelmed with what I was hearing from Him.

I decided to just be still and listen. I am a control freak that needs to know what is going to happen, how it is going to happen, and why it is going to happen.

Recently, the Lord has given me an overwhelming peace in my heart about trusting in Him and his plan for me. I accepted the peace and left it at that. I prayed that God would use me where ever He saw fit. A few days later I knew the peace He was giving me was about work. My prayer has been since I was pregnant to be able to be with my child more. That is a desire that the Lord has given me. I always thought I would be the mommy that could work, be a mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend etc. That is what I thought. Boy was I wrong! The moment Max was handed to me, my previous thoughts about my so called plan for my life was out the door. I denied those feelings for a long time. I thought negatively about myself for not wanting to work. I compared myself and circumstances to others and figured if they can work so can I.

I don't want to live my life with any regrets. We get one chance at this and I don't want to screw it up.

So during my prayer time I felt peace about going part time at my school. Before I felt any of this peace I argued with God and said that there was no possible way that this could happen. Was HE crazy?!? Eventually I caved in and listened. I prayed for the Lord to guide my step with this decision. I have been praying about this for about 9 months. In one of my studies I read something along the lines about how would my life be different if God wasn't in it. This hit me pretty hard. My life would not be different. And I hate to admit that. I was not giving God any of me. I was doing it all on my own.

After this realization I came to the conclusion that I needed to change my life. I needed to hear God's call and obey.

I was talking with my boss on Monday and I came to her and told her my desire to go part time. I just knew that she would shake her head and say sorry not here. The reaction I got from her had me in tears. Tears of joy. She very calmly said, okay well let's get you a partner, I don't want to lose you. I want you here at my school. I cried and I explained to her my prayer and my desire to be with Max and she grabbed my hand and told me she was proud of me. She told me that she had planned to take the morning off but felt the need to come to work. She told me that answered prayers are the best. God totally took control of that situation because I gave up all my control.

So folks...I will be working part time next year. I could scream from the mountain tops about how excited I am, but I won't because it is only 10 degrees outside.

I have been wearing a big smile and shedding tears of joy for this answered prayer. God's timing is perfect. Not only is God giving me the desire of my heart, He has challenged my faith. Through this time I have not only become closer with Him, I have that trust in Him that I have been praying for.